Finding Time

Time is a mysterious thing. Sometimes it feels like a friend, sometimes like an enemy. In other words, there is always more time… until there isn’t. How much of our time is spent on things we want to do? Of course we all have the things we’d rather not have to do. For me, that’s cleaning, folding laundry, traffic, waiting in lines, working on a budget, cleaning. (I really hate to clean.) Some are unavoidable, and some are good for me in spite of my displeasure. Real life is always going to be about balancing the things we want to do with the things we have to do. There is no such thing as a perfect job or a perfect life or a perfect relationship that is void of what we don’t like.

With that said, do we pay attention to how we spend our time overall? Is it time to reevaluate? I currently have a lot on my plate. I have a part-time job that provides me some income. I have a more-than-part-time job that I love but doesn’t pay. And that continually raises questions about whether or not I am doing what I should be doing. I have family and friends that I want to spend time with and I have obligations that I have already committed to. What is getting neglected in all of my busyness is my writing. And yet writing is one of the most rewarding things I do. I don’t make any money from doing it. I’m not a blogging sensation. But writing is my time to sit and dig deep. I write for the sake of sorting and then articulating my thoughts, whatever thoughts I choose. So why do I let it go?

This is where time becomes my enemy. I have either consciously or subconsciously determined that writing is optional as evidenced by the lack of writing I have been doing. And yet when I consider what I want from my life, it shouldn’t be negotiable. How much time will I let pass, assuming that there is always tomorrow, only to realize that I have moved in and out of countless experiences, thoughts, or ideas of which I could have written about? How many words will never find the page because I assumed I would get to it tomorrow?

I wonder how much of our lives are spent in obligation, powerless because we have unknowingly relinquished our power. While there are many things I cannot control, and while there are many things that must be done that I would rather not do, I have the ability to make sure I do include substance, joy, purpose, and pleasure as part of my life. And those things are accomplished through my writing, even in just a few hours here and there for a little blog that might not break any records but is building a legacy of my thoughts, my ideas, my hopes, dreams, heartaches and experiences. I love that about my writing.