I posted only three times in 2021. It’s not that I lacked content. I have several unpublished posts, varying in states of completion. I have a journal full of ideas. I have started to write a post then deleted it multiple times. In 2021, what I seemed to lack most wasn’t what to say, but the energy to actually say it. I guess I could’ve thrown stuff out there, but that’s not my style. I like to take my time. I like to read and reread what I write before I post, just to make sure I’ve thoughtfully and thoroughly said what I meant to say.
I also felt like the world was already full of so much noise, and I didn’t want to add to that noise. 2021 was full of fights, heartache, fears and failure. I found with the heavy load that seemed to accompany the year, my respite and sanity came not in the usual way – clarity of thought – but rather in escaping my thoughts. I didn’t need to think more. I needed to breathe more. Walk outside more. Be in nature more. These are what helped me navigate this past year. And in doing so, I actually found some clarity.
We are a culture that stays in our heads. Everything is about what we think. And that seems to be slowly killing many of us. We are consumed by what we think: what we need, what we believe, what we want, what we fear, what we hate, what we love, what others think. So much time and energy is spent in our heads.
For sanity, for my survival, I had to get out of my head. I walked away from unhelpful conversations. I turned off the TV. I limited my intake of news. I strengthened work/life balance. I left behind noise and sought places of silence, space and solitude. I discovered my sanctuary and visited it regularly. I engaged in activities that pushed me physically. These are just a few changes I made in 2021.
I was hopeful at the start of 2021. In my head, I reasoned what the year could and should look like. Stupid thoughts. For 2022, I don’t know what this year will bring. But I know that I will keep practicing the things that quiet my thoughts and take me out of my head. I will continue to seek what refuels me and challenges myself physically. The shift is a subtle one, but important for me. For 2021, I wanted to know what the year might hold. For 2022, I want to be my healthiest version of me.
To 2021, I salute you with a resounding middle finger. To 2022, the jury is still out. And I will be too. Regularly.